Divine Thread — Relationship Self-Discovery

A supplement to conversation, not a substitute for it. These questions are drawn from decades of relationship research to help you — and us — understand your patterns.

There are no right or wrong answers. This works for singles exploring what they want and for couples looking to understand each other more deeply. Takes about 10 minutes.

The Basics

These help with matching. Answer what feels right — all fields are optional.

Age

I am

A woman

A man

Nonbinary

Other / prefer not to say

I'm interested in

Women

Men

Both / all

Other / prefer not to say

What are you looking for?

A long-term relationship

Something casual

Open to possibilities

Strengthening an existing relationship

Not sure yet

Location (city or region)

How You Connect

Based on attachment theory research by Bowlby, Ainsworth, and Levine & Heller. These questions explore how you tend to relate to people you're close to.

When someone I'm close to doesn't respond to a text for several hours, I tend to:

Assume they're busy and go about my day. I'll hear from them when I hear from them.

Start wondering if something is wrong, replay our last conversation, maybe check if they've been active elsewhere.

Feel relieved, honestly. The space is nice. I might wait even longer to respond.

When a relationship starts getting serious, my instinct is to:

Feel excited and lean in. Deeper connection is what I'm here for.

Feel excited but also anxious. What if they don't feel the same way? I need to know where we stand.

Start noticing their flaws more, or feeling like I need more space. Something feels like it's closing in.

After a disagreement with someone I care about, I usually:

Want to talk it through fairly soon. Unresolved tension bothers me, but I can wait for the right moment.

Feel urgent about resolving it. The disconnection is physically uncomfortable. I might bring it up multiple times.

Need significant time alone first. I shut down during conflict and need to process independently before I can talk.

The idea of depending on a partner makes me feel:

Very uncomfortable Completely natural

What You Value

Research shows that values alignment predicts lasting relationships far better than shared interests. These questions explore what matters most to you.

Rank how important these are to you in a partner (most important first):

Select the ONE that matters most to you.

Loyalty and reliability — I need to know they'll be there

Growth and ambition — I need a partner who's always evolving

Kindness and empathy — how they treat others says everything

Honesty and directness — I'd rather hear a hard truth than a comfortable lie

Sense of adventure — life is short and I want a partner who's up for anything

When it comes to money in a relationship:

Security comes first. I want savings, a plan, and shared financial goals.

Independence matters. I'd prefer mostly separate finances with shared expenses.

Generosity matters more than budgeting. Money is for experiences and taking care of people.

I'm flexible — as long as we communicate honestly about it, the approach doesn't matter much.

How important is it that a partner shares your political or social values?

Doesn't matter at all Absolutely essential

When you imagine your ideal life five years from now, what does it look like? What role does a partner play in it?

How You Handle Conflict

Drawn from Gottman's research on the Four Horsemen and Sue Johnson's work on Demon Dialogues. How you fight matters more than whether you fight.

During a heated argument, I'm most likely to:

Push to resolve it right now. I get louder, more insistent. I can't rest until we've talked it through.

Go quiet. I need to leave the room (physically or emotionally). I can't think when things are intense.

Try to stay calm and hear them out, even though it's hard. I look for compromise.

Match their energy. If they come at me, I defend myself. It can escalate fast.

Be honest: when you're frustrated with a partner, do you tend to criticize who they are, or complain about what they did?

I attack who they are I address what happened

After a fight, how long does it typically take you to attempt a repair (a joke, an apology, a touch)?

Almost immediately — I hate the disconnection

A few hours — I need to cool down first, but I come back

A day or more — I process slowly and need real space

I usually wait for them to come to me

Patterns & Growth

Inspired by the Arons' Self-Expansion Theory and Esther Perel's work on the paradox of intimacy and desire. These questions ask you to look at your history.

Think about a past relationship that didn't work out. Without naming names, what pattern do you see now that you couldn't see then?

In your longest relationship, what was the biggest source of tension?

How much closeness vs. space we each needed

Communication breakdowns — we couldn't talk about hard things

We wanted different things out of life

It got stale — we stopped growing together

Trust issues — jealousy, dishonesty, or betrayal

I haven't been in a long relationship yet

How important is it to you that a relationship keeps evolving — new experiences, new challenges, continued growth?

I prefer stability and routine Growth is everything

What's one thing about yourself that you think makes you a great partner — and one thing you know you need to work on?

Intimacy & Desire

Inspired by Esther Perel's work on the tension between closeness and desire, and Helen Fisher's research on neurochemical attraction patterns.

In a relationship, do you tend to want more closeness or more space than your partner?

I always want more closeness I always want more space

Which best describes how you feel about emotional vulnerability?

I'm naturally open. I share my feelings readily and want the same in return.

I open up over time, once trust is established. Vulnerability must be earned.

It's genuinely hard for me. I know I should open up more, but something holds me back.

I'm selectively vulnerable. Deeply open with a very small number of people, guarded with everyone else.

What makes you feel most loved? (Pick the one that resonates most)

Being told — words of affirmation, verbal appreciation, hearing "I love you"

Undivided attention — quality time with phones down and full presence

Actions — when they do things for me, handle things, show up practically

Physical affection — holding hands, a touch on the back, physical closeness

Thoughtful gestures — a gift that shows they were thinking of me, remembering details

Final Reflections

These open-ended questions are the most important ones. The multiple-choice questions give us structure, but these give us you.

What do you think most people get wrong about love?

If you could have a partner understand one thing about you — something that most people miss or misread — what would it be?

What are you most afraid of in love?

Analyzing your responses...